Sunday, 7 April 2013

FaceTime, nightmare for parents!

Ozzy received an ipod touch at Christmas, mainly because all his friends were getting one. At the point when I said 'I don't know if Santa can get you that', Ozzy's eyes welled up and he asked 'Why is Santa nicer to all my friends?' I admit it, I caved in and duly wrote Santa a heartfelt request!  
So it is ironic that the nightmare present this year has in fact turned out (not to be the drum kit!) but to be the 'ipod touch' ...because with it comes with 'facetime'.  If you are unfamiliar with the term 'facetime' then listen up... because OMG beware!

I had no idea what we were letting into our lives. I thought the ipod touch was effectively a modern 'sony walkman,' WRONG!  Ozzy now has the power, age only 7, to call his own friends using the ipod touch, via wifi. Facetime gives a visual phone-like connection, much like skype. 

With this new found power Ozzy is fast arranging his own social life! Obviously all of these arrangements do not suit our agenda, nor have they been authorised by us, but these factors do not matter to a 7 year old boy, with this new found freedom. Ozzy is as happy as a cat in a bed of catnip! 

BUT as a parent I am trapped, I can no longer lie!  Now when Ozzy wants to play with the kiddies from next door, before I have finished saying "No the neighbours have gone shopping/are sick/are at their Grandmas," Ozzy has facetimed our neighbour's children and they're actually on their way round to our house!! Arghhhhh...Equally distressing was the moment Ozzy passed the ipod touch to me, as his friend simultaneously passed his iPod to his mother... There was a moment when we were both trying to decipher what we were looking at, before the other Mum screamed, covered her face and threw it at her husband whilst yelling 'Oh my God I'm not wearing any makeup!!' All very alarming.

I now do not dare to go for a wee, without locking the loo door. I live in fear of Ozzy bursting in and handing me the ipod midstream and my being caught, quite literally, with my pants down!  ...And I have had to reign in my inappropriate capacity to suddenly swear, in case I am overheard by better behaved mothers. I can also no longer discuss school situations, for fear of being overheard on 'facetime' in the background by any of the mums that I meet daily in the playground!  

...I suddenly feel that I am being observed 24 hrs a day, like a big brother contestant!!  I have to be on my best behaviour in my own home! I am compelled to wear make up at all times and I have even taken to steaming up the shower cubicle, BEFORE getting in the shower!  Trust me when I say Ozzy has no idea of social etiquette, or that nudity is not something you do in public, well not when you're sober and definitely not when a friend's child can see you!   So thank you Santa for your generosity, it has quite honestly changed my life... oh what is this demon piece of technology I allowed into our midst!?? Anyway, parents BEWARE!

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